Lately I have been talking a lot about mental illness and how it has affected my experience with Motherhood. At least it feels to me like I have been talking about it a lot, but I guess I’ve mainly been throwing words like Postpartum Depression, PTSD, Bipolar disorder, or anxiety into conversations and random posts online. I am slowly gaining the courage to really talk about it, in-depth and without shame or fear. I have a very hard time being vulnerable and completely open, as do most people when it comes to mental illness, but I think it’s important to address, and have those difficult conversations because the more I try to hide it, the more I unravel. Today I will make a baby step with the illness that I believe troubles me the most: PTSD.
Originally I wanted to start this post with the number of mass-shootings that have taken place in America in recent years, but it was hard to find a consistent answer because of the variables involved. Here is a little of what I was able to find: According to WikiTracker, there have been 318 this year already, and the Guardian claims there have been 994 in 1,004 days. I have also seen a meme floating around which states there have been 45 shootings in 2015 at schools alone. Those numbers are absolutely unbelievable, and yet, they are real. I do not want to start a debate or focus too heavily on these aspects, but it astounds me that mass-shootings continue to happen with no real change taking place in order to stop them. Our country needs healing. Our leadership needs to protect us.
If you have gathered that I am deeply affected by mass-shootings (and perhaps that is where my PTSD stems from), you are correct. I have been in two shootings. The first was around the year 2009; I was working as a waitress at a nightclub when someone was shot in what I assume was gang-related. That one didn’t affect me too deeply, other than taking away my desire for the club scene. The second shooting was in 2012 when I was working at a mall in Portland. There was a mass-shooting during the busy holiday season with multiple victims while I was at work. This happened two days before the unthinkable tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School. My view of the world took a dark and irrevocable turn that week.
Emotionally my wounds run deep, from the corners of my mind down into the tiptoes of my fragile soul. More than anything I want to heal; to regain my trust in people and stop seeing danger everywhere I turn. To walk into a grocery store without looking nervously for the exit signs, or watching other shoppers unfairly for signs that they might want to harm others. I want to be around loved ones without constantly offending everyone because I am so on edge, particularly with my daughter’s safety.
I know I have to somehow get better, not only for me, but because I don’t want my daughter to see my fear and think that it is normal. I can speak from experience when I say that constantly being afraid is no way to live. I want to teach her to have hope, not fear. I want to raise her amongst other kids who uplift each other instead of tear each other down.
While we are on the subject of my daughter and her future schoolmates, I was reading an article recently about a teacher who survived the Sandy Hook shooting by hiding her entire classroom in a tiny bathroom while a madman was in the classroom next door. She spoke about what she went through, and what life was and is like for her in the aftermath of something so horrendous. She courageously decided to fight for a better world and at the end of the article, a charity that she created called Classes 4 Classes was mentioned. I looked it up and the more I learned, the more it struck me as important, profound, and absolutely brilliant. I have spent a great deal of time worrying and wondering how we as a people can fix our country, and honestly, at times it feels impossible. But here is a charity started by someone who has seen the darkest and ugliest that humanity has to offer, and she was able to take that experience and turn it into something positive for her students, and hopefully for all of our children as well. It opened my eyes to a new possibility, and a new hope: our children are the future and maybe, just maybe, they can right our wrongs.
Their mission is stated as follows on their website:
Classes 4 Classes, Inc. is a 501(c)(3) organization whose mission is to teach children the power of kindness and compassion through their ability to create positive change for others. The platform provided by our website actively engages students in learning a social curriculum through the exchange of gifts with other K-8 classrooms, which fulfill a need or educational objective. These gifts are crowd-funded by visitors and donors to our site. The gift is given to the teacher and the students in the receiving classroom only once the project goal is reached, and the receiving classroom has started their own project to “pay it 4ward” to another classroom.
Cool, right? I absolutely believe in their mission. So much so, in fact, that I have decided to put a charity auction together with a few very talented women in order to donate to their cause. It will be a live auction taking place on my instagram account @bumblebeelullabies starting Thursday, November 12th at 12pm PST. I will post a new round every 48 hours until November 22nd. Each round will have 2-3 items to make it more valuable and exciting! Anyone with PayPal can bid any amount they choose by commenting the amount along with their PP email (or they can DM it to me if they want it kept private) under the picture announcing the auction. It’s that simple!
Here’s a recap in case that was confusing:
- A live charity auction will take place on my Instagram @bumblebeelullabies starting Thursday 11/12/15 at 12 PM PST.
- All proceeds will go to the non-profit Classes 4 Classes.
- Anyone with PayPal can bid by commenting on the Instagram post with their bid amount (like a traditional auction) and email address (can be DMed).
- The auction will have multiple rounds, announced every 48 hours until 11/22.
- The winning bidder gets the items they bid on! The money goes to charity! Sweet!
The auction will include items from:
My shop MerMamaMe; Anabelle Praznick (author of The Unfolding); This Unscripted Life; Cristina Martinez (@sew_trill); Stella and Wilbur; Momgaroo; and a few others. It’s going to be awesome!!
I honestly do not know if I will raise any money, but I might, and I hope I will, which is enough to make me try. Please join me! I believe that together we can change the world, one child at a time.
Sending love and light,
Lissa James
I will be sharing my story in more detail this week, along with more information about the charity we will be donating to. Please come back for more!
Bumblebee Lullabies 
